We don’t do Ultimatums

Last year my husband and I were having some growing pains in our marriage, particularly in the area of communication. Problem was we couldn’t talk if no one went first.

I wrote him a letter about some changes I hoped to see (please don’t jump to the worst possible scenario). There are some renovations and repairs in our home that need to be taken care of that would make life a little easier.

As I was writing the letter, in an emotional state I might add, the idea of an ultimatum came to mind. But then I knew that I couldn’t do that, that I wouldn’t do that.

 There is a difference in the words ‘can’t’ and ‘won’t’. One implies powerlessness, and the other strength.

There is no room for ultimatums in our marriages, not because we are powerless and can’t give one, but because we have the power to build up our marriages and NOT give one.

So, whatever it is you’re struggling with in your marriage, don’t give an ultimatum. Not because you can’t but because you won’t.


10 thoughts on “We don’t do Ultimatums

  1. Wise.

    Deb Weaver

    • Danielle

      Thanks, Deb. That’s my prayer.

  2. holly lohnes

    Danielle. This is very good. Thank you for your transparency.

    • Danielle

      Thank you, Holly!

  3. Sarah O.

    Thanks for this post, Danielle. I’m excited about your blog – I just subscribed!

    • Danielle

      Hi, Sarah! I’m so glad that you joined our little community. Let me know if there are any topics that you would like to see talked about here on the blog. I’m looking forward to living life together!

  4. So true. Enjoyed that. Visiting from {in}courage writers.

  5. Yes. I 100% agree with this in regards to my marriage. Do you think, though, there would be some caveats for abuse and infidelity where reconciliation is not possible and just staying becomes emotionally or physically dangerous? Just throwing that out there.

    (Visiting from the incourage writers today)

    • Danielle

      Hi Erika,
      Thank you for bringing this angle to the discussion. I agree – dangerous situations are a whole other matter. In my post, I was hoping to convey the not choosing of ultimatums over petty things (as in my case).
      Thank you for visiting and for taking the time to respond!

  6. Nikki T

    Much to think on in this post! Such truth. Thank you! Stopping from the Incouraging Writers group.

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